I don't know about you, but I've been hearing a lot about the "new normal" due to Covid-19 and the shelter in place orders that are being seen throughout the country. Raise your hand if you're tired of hearing this phrase yet.
I find myself having a visceral reaction whenever I hear it. To me, "normal" implies we should be going on with our daily lives. Nothing to see here. No big feelings to process for me. I am firmly in the this-is-not-normal camp. It's ok to feel like you're at your wits end and want to break down and cry. It's ok to feel extra tired right now. It's ok to give space to your feelings. It's ok to grieve all of the little and big things that are different due to Covid-19. Like I say to my students when we're talking about difficult topics, "You might be feeling happy, sad, angry, or worried. You might be feeling all of those at the same time and that's ok too."
Here are some tips to help manage those big feelings during this time:
- Practice naming those feelings:
This unprecedented time reminds us that we are all human. We are not alone in the feelings that may be coming up right now. Find that person you can talk to. Give yourself space to feel your emotions. You may find that once you've named those emotions, they've suddenly become more manageable and easier to cope with.
Many times parents feel they need to be "strong" and not show the soft, ooey, gooey, hurt (aka human) side of themselves to their children. I believe now is a perfect time to show your children that grown ups have feelings too. Let them know they are not alone in their feelings by naming what we are all collectively going through.
This conversation might look like, "I see how sad you're feeling about not being able to see your best friend. Some times I feel sad about not seeing my best friend too. Something that has helped me is to call them when I miss them. Would you like to call your friend?" Help make it clear to them that these emotions are normal and name some things that you are doing that helps when these emotions come up. You might be surprised to find that your child has developed some coping strategies that you want to adopt too!
- Practice self-care:
Self-care? What's that? Now before you look at me like I have three heads because I'm even mentioning self-care when you're juggling work, child care, and relationships during all of this, just hear me out. Your own self-care is a crucial part in being able to care for those you love. There's a reason you hear, "put on your oxygen mask before helping others" every time you're on an airplane. You can't help anyone else if your (mental, emotional) oxygen has been depleted.
I can't tell you what self-care looks like for you. The one thing I can say with certainty is it doesn't need to be elaborate. It doesn't have to be a spa weekend in a beautiful resort (although that would be nice right about now). Self-care can be as simple as crying in the shower, eating breakfast, or taking a medication on time. Ask yourself, "What is a simple way I can take care of myself today?" and then do it! No guilt. No shame. No judgement. You deserve to take care of yourself.
This also sends an important message to children. It shows them it's normal and necessary to take a break when your body tells you you need it. Talk to your kids about self-care. Ask them what makes them feel happy or calm. You may find that there are self-care routines you can do together as a family.
-Practice grace:
My last tip for this week is practice giving yourself and others grace. It is humanely impossible to do all of the things that are required from you perfectly during this time (or ever, but that's a topic for another day). Take that deep breath and give yourself permission to be imperfect. I know this is easier said than done so "practice" is the operative word in all of these tips. Some days you will be able to do each one of these better than other days. Let's be real all of these can fluctuate from minute to minute especially when coping with the collective trauma we are all experiencing. Treat yourself with the same love, kindness, and understanding you want other people to treat you with.
So tell me, what are you doing this next week to take care of yourself? Drop a comment below or send me an email to kristina@sflmft.com. I'd love to hear from you!
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